The Myth of Confidence

I have received a great deal of amazing feedback about my last blog on being fearless —  or FEARING LESS. So, I’ve decided to take a topic from now on and run with it over the course of a few weeks to really get deep into the meat of things.

All the support got my gears grinding- So, I've decided to begin a mini blog series for you all. Each topic I dive into will consist of three parts, at the end of the series you all will be a part of a bigger picture —  a virtual workshop where I talk about ways to improve your skills, stay successful and personal experiences that worked for me!

I know, I know…super cool, right?



Anyway, let’s get back to that last blog.

What exactly is the direct result of fearing less? If you start to get into the mindset of having faith in the future instead of fearing it, what will you become?


What is the result of fearing less? Being confident.

The concept of confidence is deeply rooted in our culture. We all look up to certain people — business leaders, actors and actresses, sports players — who have confidence. We all want to project that we are confident. Most importantly, we all want to think we are confident, as we place such a high value on it. 

Now, I have a difficult question to ask you. Be honest to yourself, not me. 

Are you truly confident? 

If you had a slight pause thinking about that answer, you may struggle with confidence. Know you are not alone. Know that many, many others are like you, quietly watching with a low hum of fear that someone will find out this secret.

Well, I challenge you to release this fear. Expose this secret. You aren’t alone. Most people struggle with confidence; they just may hide it better than you. 

Start your journey towards true confidence and freedom by being honest with yourself about your struggles. Then move past them.

So what if you aren’t as confident as you want to be? It’s not about not being confident in this moment, it’s about what you are going to do about it for the future. Life isn’t what you are; life is what you will become.

We all know there probably is a direct correlation between being confident and being successful, both personally and professionally. But, we also know people who have made it to the top who do NOT have confidence. The difference between two types of people is one comes from a place of fear and the other does not. The choice to be confident is yours. 

My question to you — which one do you want to be? Do you want to hit the peak of success from a place of confidence or a place of insecurity?

Let’s start with the basics. What is confidence anyway? We all know people who have it. The people who seem to walk through life with a certain calm but determined swagger. They know exactly how to dress. They know what to say and when to say it. They look you straight in the eye and firmly shake your hand. Their smile, their energy, their presence just makes you feel at ease. You instantly know they are being authentic and real.  You feel their confidence. 

It is a mindset shift. 

The Myth of Confidence is that only some people have it. We all have the capability to be fully confident.

Think about the people in your life who are confident and you respect. How do they tackle the world? Chances are they do the following: 

  1. They fear less. They set their mind to challenges and go for it.
  2. They are relentless and do not stop
  3. They do not step over anyone to get what they want
  4. In fact, usually they take people along with them. 

Everybody has the ability to be confident in them, it's whether or not you want to dig deep enough to find it.

I challenge you to remember times in your life you have been confident, for as we talked about last week, every one of you has “feared less” as a child. Remember I talked about the young toddler who one day, out of sheer determination and intent, stood up and walked across the room. This little guy (or gal)  wanted to get that piece of pizza or cookie off the table and went for it. Without a thought. Knowing they probably would fall (as they had hundreds of times before). But, by sheer will, they did it that ONE MORE TIME, and that last time was the charm. In that moment, that little person gained confidence.

That person was you. 

Reread this. Every single one of us has early memories of being confident. You just need to remember to bring that feeling to the present. 

Confidence is a belief system. Confidence is not stopping. Confidence is going for what you want and what you believe in.

Being confident is being comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Last week I challenged you to write down times when you felt you were fearless. I want you to do that again, but from the point of confidence:

  1. Write down 5 times in your life where you felt confident and accomplished a goal. This could be in school, with a hobby, at work. Big or small. Whatever.
  2. How did you feel before you did it? Did you feel fear? Were you uneasy? Did you question yourself?
  3. What inspired you to push through that feeling of doubt?
  4. How did you feel after? Think of that confident person I described above, with a calm and quiet swagger. Did you feel that way ever in your life? Be honest.
  5. Did that feeling go away, and if so, why?

Reread what you just wrote very carefully. Bring yourself back to that place of confidence and remember what you felt like. 

What you just wrote down was evidence you have been truly confident in your life. 

One of my favorite sayings is “Who Cares?”. I don’t mean that to allow myself free reign to do whatever I want. I mean that literally. As in why should I care what anyone thinks about me? I will address the influence of “others” next week. 

Step 1 in living a true confident life is letting go fully of what others think about you.

It’s time to start living your life with less fear and true confidence. It’s time to start living the best version of yourself. 

Next week we are going to talk about building momentum with confidence — free from the influence of others —  as I will share more of my stories of both success and failures. 

Thinking that you have to be born with confidence is a myth. It’s time to change your mindset and be the person you always were. 

Go forth and conquer!