Confidence Blog Series: Part 2 - Confidence Starts with You

Last week I challenged you to dig deep into your past to remember times when you truly felt confident. If you missed last week's post titled, Part 1 – The Myth of Confidence. Please check it out! Now, a week later, do you feel that exercise changed the way you view yourself and the world? Did you change patterns in your life? Did you move forward with a different air about you? 

Chances are, you read my blog, and agreed with everything I said (of course you did. I said it! LOL). But, after reading it, you may have gone about your busy day and continued your current pattern of how you view yourself and your life. 



Look I get it, changing your mindset takes time. You aren't necessarily going to change your patterns after reading my blog for a few minutes. But, I will say this upfront — If you don’t change that mindset, you will not get to where you truly want to be. Confidence is the fuel to propel you where you want to go.

It is a choice to be confident

I know exactly what you are going to say next:

“Whatever, Regina. You’re confident. How do you know what it’s like not to be?” 

I have heard a version of that statement my whole adult life when I have tried to help people become more sure of themselves. And, I have gotten the same response for decades in return, the words different, but the theme is the same: “You have no idea what it’s like to be me as the world has been easier for you. So, basically, be quiet.” Well, first of all, you all know I can never be quiet!

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Yes, they are 100% correct. I am confident. I do not know what it’s like to be anyone else other than me. But remember — that is something that we all have in common. 

Ultimately, we only truly know ourselves. Think about that. 

I don’t remember not being confident. I always wanted to succeed, and I never felt I couldn’t. And if I failed, I failed forward. I got up and tried again. 

My mother agrees that I have been like that since I was young. I was a small-medium sized kid but had no problem taking on the bigger kids in sports. I just didn’t care. I wanted to win. 

(Ok, there may be that one time that I allegedly made up a neck injury to get out of a wrestling match. I went to the hospital, and the doctor told my mother that I was fine. She says I made this up because I realized that I couldn’t beat this kid in the match. If I couldn’t win, I wasn’t going to play. And, she was not happy with me. Whatever. I think she made that story up. I don’t remember this at all. LOL)

So, it may be easy for you to dismiss me and this by thinking — “Well, Regina was born confident. I wasn’t, so again, he doesn’t get what it’s like.” Here is the thing for real. No one knows why we truly are the way we are. My mother — who is also very confident — will explain that her dad was just as confident as she is. 

So, which is it? Is it nature — I was born this way or nurture — it was the way I was brought up (as she passed on a family tradition)? Here is the thing — who knows?

We can’t dismiss our environment in playing a role of who we are. And we can now control it.  

You could easily refute this by saying you didn’t have a supportive, confident environment. I can’t dispute your past. What matters is NOW.

Are you going to blame your past for not being as confident as you want to be, or are you going to take charge of your future and get the confidence you want?  

If you have come this far with me, you want to elevate your life. Confidence is the foundation for you to reach your true potential.

Think of all of the confident people you know. How do they make you feel? Are you resentful and jealous, or do they make you motivated and feel empowered? If it’s the latter, it’s time for some personal responsibility. 

Here are 6 tips on how to sustain confidence in your daily lives:

  1. Make a list of famous people you feel have the confidence that you aspire to have. Start small: pick one, and if they have an autobiography or biography, buy it today. Start reading it immediately.. Chances are, you will see that many of these people are probably more like you than you may think — they were not born confident, but overcame challenges and elevated.
  2. Make a list of everyone you know who is confident. How strong is your relationship with them?  More than ever, real and authentic relationships are vital to the challenges around us. You are who you hang out with. Make more effort to have these people in your lives. There is no question that being around people who we respect can uplift us.
  3. Make two lists — one personal and one professional. Put each person into either column (some may overlap, so make note of that). You couldn’t control who you had for parents, family members, teachers, coaches, etc as a kid. You can control who you can start utilizing as a mentor. Think of ways you can ask these people for advice. Follow what they say, then report back to them. Trust me, they will be very grateful for that call. And, who knows? It may motivate them to take on more of a mentorship role with you.
  4. Ask these people deeper questions about their confidence, see what their thoughts are and how they got there. Make note of common themes. Get a sense of what they have done to overcome insecurities, and start to implement that into your own life.
  5. Make a list of behaviors you feel can help you ascend into confidence — working out more, meditation, more personal or professional development, whatever. Let’s face it: You know what you need to do. It’s time for action and not just thoughts.

Confidence is a mindset. The time for excuses is over.

  1. Envision your life from the lens of some of the people you admire. What would it be like if you held yourself the way they do, thought the same way, and carried yourself like them? What you are envisioning is the best version of yourself. The fact that you envisioned it means it’s obtainable. 

Consciously taking daily steps  to be more confident is exactly like working out a muscle at a gym. Over time, that muscle will strengthen 

It’s time to take personal responsibility for your future and make the conscious daily choice to be confident. You have all the tools around you — both within yourself and in your world. 

Being fully confident (and fearing less) is the last huge hurdle for you to become exactly whom you always knew you could be. 

It’s up to you.

Go forth and conquer!